If you have realized that you want to change your life, but you are still very far from your goal and you have no idea how to get there, don’t worry. It is not scary, even if you have to start everything from the beginning. It is not scary if you are at the very bottom and still do not see the way up. It is not scary if you are at the foot of your mountain and for any attempt to conquer it, you fall to the bottom again.
It is from the bottom, from the lowest point, that we often begin the path to healing.
And not because we suddenly feel hope; and not because we suddenly see through suffering; and not because someone comes to help. The bottom becomes a new beginning because this is where most of us finally say to ourselves, “I don’t want to go through this again.”
And this is not just a phrase – it is a declaration of intention and a firm decision. This is one of the most important turning points in your life, which becomes the basis for all subsequent steps and decisions.
When you decide that you don’t want to feel this way anymore, you begin the path to self-discovery, recognition, growth. And along the way, you will have to rediscover yourself as a person.
Previous mistakes were no longer important here. You no longer worry about who did what or how you were offended. Now only one thought is important: “No matter what it costs me, I will never allow myself to come to this again.”
My point of no return was another panic attack, which turned me into a sociopath and a completely sick (in my opinion) person. Then there was a psychotherapist who prescribed antidepressants and diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder. As if nothing like that, because we are all anxious. But this period of my life was a real hell! Dizziness, headaches, muscle weakness, gastrointestinal problems…and all possible health checks revealed NO disease.
It was the period when I wanted absolutely nothing, life lost joy, I lost inspiration and wanted only one thing – for it to simply end.
At the same time, I had no objective reasons for anxiety disorder, panic disorder – I had a husband, a son, a job… My childhood was not terrible. In fact, I understood that I had achieved the visible markers of a happy, successful life, but in reality I was terrible at LIVING. I endured terrible anxiety and pain, and then I felt guilt and shame in the words and eyes of my husband and parents, because “You have everything, everything SHOULD be fine with you!”. But don’t let anyone manipulate you! No! It should not be! If you’re going through this shit too, even if it seems “insignificant” to others or to you, but affects the quality of your life, then you deserve to rake it up!
That is why I am here with you. I need to keep a timeline, I am willing to try all possible methods and recommendations to create a road map for emotional recovery. Do everything to get out of this lost and sad place and bathe in the rays of healing.
And I know for sure that someone is currently going through the same path or who also feels not ok and does not know how to change it. I suggest you walk together.
With love, Yulia
P.S. Sorry for my English, in the process of learning)